we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
