I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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