maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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