I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
