Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
