So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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