he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
