clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
