I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
