I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Where is the hickey?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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