i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
