I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
