We won't sleep together?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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