at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
