Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
