dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
