Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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