Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
