MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
