Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
