dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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