i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
