also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
