How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dear god my vagina.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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