Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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