Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
