It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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