so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
