The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
