Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I could make wine with my vomit
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
