I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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