My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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