You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
