Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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