I want to walk on stilts...naked
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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