like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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