she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
