I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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