I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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