No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
