It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
