just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
