she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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