I want to have your abortion
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
