I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
