Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
