So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
