maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
