butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
