You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
