look no pants
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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